Live It (hate it) and want the eff outta it!

There are so many things that I wish to write this morning...some of them I am not ready for, while other fill me with such anger that I need to get them out...this is one of them.

I have been searching for a job for almost 10 months.  I didn't get fired, but my mental illnesses were rearing their ugly heads at work, and the big black c--t wolf couldn't comprehend that you CANNOT combine ABS with FMLA.

BITCH - but Nov. 19 will be special, because I am going to blast a blog across the country, as my bs statute of limitations will be up...GOD I HATE THAT COMPANY.

So, with that being written, I have, throughout my whole life, NEVER had a problem finding a job.  I started a job right after high school making money that people still make now.  I worked there for 3 years.  I had a temp job at a warehouse that fucked me over, promising I would go to perm, so I rented an apartment.

Next job made me crazy, so I acted it.  They let me go when I had a car accident that should have killed me.  I am one of the minute groups of folks that if I would have had on my seat belt, I would have died.

I really liked my next little job, although I didn't understand the things we were selling (cookware).  But, I did well, and was an assistant manager.  I think that I lasted a couple of years.

Then, I moved on to processing and printing 35 mm film.  I LOVED it. I was awesome and knew it.  I could make "shit from shinola" (Basic Instinct).  I stayed there for 5 years.

I left there to move onto the travel industry, as that is where I grew up.  I did not pay for a flight until last year when I flew to Houston for my birthday.  People still ask me to this day "How much does it cost..." Hell, I don't know..."I DID NOT PAY."  We stayed at posh hotels for $20, $30 a night, cars were practically free and my bonuses had commas in them.  Why did I leave?  9/11 - cut backs were right and left, and I did not want to be one of them.  I confirmed my suspicions the day I saw them a) - take out the fake plants, b) - remove the coffee, and of my own stupidity, I was sleeping with my manager and it did not end well.  (Since then - almost 10 years later, the water under the bridge is merely a puddle and we were in our immature 20s).  The closure has been great.  Even HE has tried to help me find a job.  Oh, and I forgot to add they took away our REAL incentive: two passes, once a year, to ANYWHERE in the world.  Yeah, you'd leave, too, huh?

After I lied for the reason I put in my two-wk notice, I decided to get into get into an industry that was booming, which was the telecommunications industry.  Once again, after taking a 5-wk sabbatical to recover from the above, I applied and was accepted.  I will not mention the company, but most of you know it is called "the interstate service."

OMG - I cannot CONVEY to you the horror of that job.  It was like prison (when I referred to how long I stayed, I always said "14 months," like it was a prison sentence).  They refused to work with my school schedule, and on Mondays and Wednesdays I have MAYBE two hours of sleep to make it to class; luckily their rep spread far and wide, and the professors would let me go early since I was making As in their classes.

It's not funny, but I would set aside two times a day to cry - one in the shower, and one during lunch...oh, and one on the way to work.  I HATED everyone - the recruiter lied to me about where I would be in six months (if you could have seen my resume, I should NOT have been placed in an entry role).  I was nice to the customers, b/c most of them were sane and wanted to complain about how much they hated their phone service.

Then, one day, like a manna from heaven, the company across the street calls me.  I interview during my lunch break (no tears), and I am offered the position in a backline role making more than the shitty fucking pay that pink and black building offered me.  I walked back into HR, smiling (probably tipping off many that I may have lost it), and gave my 2-wk notice.  During that time, I LOVED it...I gave everyone on the phone anything they wanted.

Last job - Seven years and 5 promotions - despite rumors I worked my ass off to get to where I needed to be.  For 3 yrs I wanted a career, and then the knife in my back was inserted so deep I think piece of it are still there.

(There will be more to this story later...Nov. 19...and it's GOOD).

So, depression set in, delayed onset of 3 other illnesses set in as well, and overnight, I turned into how I felt.  I won't lie - I am very attractive and men love me...but not with unwashed hair.

I was a liability to the company - remember folks - knowledge is POWER.  And, I had a LOT of it.  Let's just put it that way (Nov. 19).

So, since my departure was "voluntary," I don't get unemployment checks due to a serious mental illness(es). Those mother fuckers gave me the most disgusting fuck in the ass and I still hurt.

Let me tell you what bs has happened to me since my quest for a job:

1.  First call - ticket counter agent (YAY

2.  Insurance/commission job.  I AM NOT MARRIED AND DO NOT HAVE A RICH SUGAR DADDY, so how in the FUCK do you expect me to work for a job with no base pay?  Eff of, you stupid duck.

3.  Call from a manager on a Sunday wanted to see me on a Monday to interview for 3 stores that needed to be supervised in the airport.  Again, I bit my lip - I COULD SEE my salary requirements, and let me assure you that they weren't $10 an hour.  Crazy MF; however, I did appreciate the free Starbucks.

4.  Next job - Client relations advocate for various accounts, which I received bank at my previous job; these mother fuckers wanted to pay me $12 and hour when I hadn't made 12 an hour since I was probably eighteen.
I liked the building, I liked the ppl, and decided if my roommate would pay his rent, I could take it.  They gushed over my professionalism and how they would like for me to start on Monday.  Now, I still don't know which Monday, bc they never called me back, after 3 vms, one email and a fuck off, you're company is unprofessional and misleading.  Same with a hotel that booked travel that I KNOW Paris Hilton would not have like.

5.  This was when the beginning of my demise started.  I received a call one morning from an awesome, on-the- spot recruiter that offered me an exec. admin. position to their VP, which required travel, note taking, presentations, letters sent on his behalf - all the things in which I used to do.  When I requested my ending salary at my former company, she automatically said "No problem."  I danced with joy until a few days later.  The previous employee decided to come back after maternity leave...can really blame her - not in this economy.
I was heartbroken.

6.  Next offer:  An awesome company based out of ND offered me a sup. position for the entire call center making an excellent salary; however, it was based on the contingency that a contract was renewed with them.

It wasn't, and my 20 days of happiness was over again...that one made me cry until it developed into a panic attack.

Finally - found a great temp service with two awesome girls.  One thought she had found the perfect job for me, b/c I had the unique qualifications in which they were seeking.  Feedback: Although she was nice, professional and had a great sense of humor, we are going to try and get our original person back, and if we can't, we will repost with an HR background.

So, in closing, I am VERY fortunate that I have great friends and family that have assisted in supporting me.  I love you all and cannot express the part of my heart that each of you touch everyday when my phone rings.

And, I cannot WAIT to get fucking WASTED to celebrate "MEDUSA HAS A JOB....MEDUSA HAS A JOB..."

Ambiguously yours,
M (xoxo)

Ignorance should have been bliss

Once upon a time, many years ago, I had a friend that told me a story that will always stick in my head.

She ran a stop light - almost - and as she slammed on her breaks, all of her scripts came rolling out of her handbag.

Glancing down at her bag, she said aloud "It's over."

She put in her notice the same day.

A couple of years later, we saw each other again at yet another job where we both worked.  I would always tell her that when I reached the point that what happened to her happened to me, that would be the end.

For my friend, several months later, she decided she hated our current city and transferred soon thereafter.

Damn, she was fearless!!!

A couple of years later, as the late onset of my diseases were coming to the forefront, I ran a stop sign (how ironic, huh), and lo and behold, there was a cop dying to pull someone over.

He walked over to the car and I burst into tears.  He told me I was speeding and weaving.  In an attempt to validate my story, I held up my  handbag, shook it and it sounded like a drug dealer's backpack.  I continued to cry, explained I was late and what a bitch my manager was...and, if noticed, I took of the pills without water so that they would kick in before I was kicked there.

The tears (which were real), touched him b/c for the first time he pulled over someone that NEVER could have made up that story.

He gave me a ticket and told him to PLEASE be careful on the way to work.

I lived it...but the next cop (where I wasn't crying, just merely not looking...at the same stop sign), didn't show as much courtesy.

If I gave any of us pill-poppin' ladies any ideas, I've done my job.

If I made anyone chuckle, ditto.

M